משלי- רעות

In order to acquire a friend who listens to you and cares for you, you must be that kind of friend.

What is the source of רעות? "ואהבת לרעיך כמוך אני ה'". What is the connection between the two halves of the פסוק? There were two friends who lived in the same city. ראובן was suspected of being a spy and they were going to kill him for his crime. ראובן asked the judge for permission to go home and tell his wife what was happening. שמעון agreed to stay in his place and receive the punishment if ראובן was not to return. On the day of the trial, ראובן had still not returned. שמעון was about to be killed in ראובן’s place and ראובן came back. שמעון said, kill me because I have no family. ראובן said, no kill me. They were arguing back and forth and the king said, no one will die, but I want to be a part of your friendship. ה' says, if you have a real friendship, I am a part.

מכתב מאליהו How can you become a friend? It is based on the ability to acquire and give. The word אהבה comes from the לשון of הב- giving. You must have the כח הנתינה- the ability to give. A person’s whole focus in this world must be to give to others. This מידה comes from ה'- הוא הכח העליון ממידות הקב''ה שהוא מרחם ומטיב ונותן בלי קבל דבר תמורה"- ה' is the ultimate נותן. He wanted to give, so He went through the whole trouble of making the world so that there could be people to be מטיב to. He wanted to give us the greatest opportunity to attain עוה''ב, so he created עוה''ז in a way where we can receive the greatest pleasure in עוה''ב. However, this is all a one-sided affair. We can’t give ה' anything because he is שלם- "אם צדקה מה תתן לו". ה' put in every person the desire to give. Our job is to fan it and escalate it so that it becomes a part of us and we are functioning with כח הנתינה.

We also have כח הנתילה- הוא אשר יתאוה האדם למשך עליו את כל הבא בתחומו כח אשר יקראוהו אהבת עצמו והוא שרש כל הרעות. אהבת עצמו is self interest and caring only for yourself. Most human beings have parts of us that give and parts of us that take. But our goal must be to escalate the הנתינה.

Examples of people who don’t do this:
1. Robber.
2. Dictators- the whole country is under his foot and they all do what is good for him.
3. Wanting something for nothing or finding subtle ways to get what you want for less.

People used to be much more altruistic. In the 80’s there was a big turn. We became the “me generation”. There was a רוח of people looking at things with an attitude of “what’s in it for me?” They did a study of New Year’s resolutions of young girls:
1980s- I’ll be more kind and giving.
1990s- I’ll stick to my diet.

Is it actually possible to give something, but it’s actually stemming from כח הנתילה? Yes. Story- a man became part of the zoological society so people would see how caring he is and want to do business with him. Is it possible to take, but it’s actually coming from כח הנתינה? Yes, for example eating someone’s cookies even though you don’t want to so that they aren’t insulted. What establishes if something is הנתינה or הנתילה? Your inner intentions.
Is there room in business for a person to a נותן or is it all הנתילה? This too, depends on the intentions. If you give a bonus to someone, is it to show appreciation or is it to get them to work harder?

מכתב מאליהו Gives an example of someone in a pure business situation that had כח הנתינה: חנוך. חז''ל tell us that people who lived in those days lived for two or three hundred years. It says, "ויתהלך חנוך את האלקים ואנני"- he lived in such a corrupt generation. What did he do to become such a great צדיק? He was a shoemaker and with every stitch, הי' מיחד יחודים לקונו. ר' סלנתר- how could it be that someone is serving ה' if he is doing his work? With every stitch he thought- I’ll be careful to make the shoes so that they will be good and there will be no problems. He was with ה' because he was a נותן- he wanted that everyone should benefit and have הנאה from his work.

Sheet Do you love and then give, or give and then love? A חסידה is listed as an עוף טמאה. She’s called a חסידה because she does חסד for her friends. What is the חסרון? She does חסד with her friends. It is very important to do חסד with your friends, but you must realize that there’s a מקום for חסד even with those who aren’t your friends. You must have the ability to go beyond your group of friends. How do you get there? A person must pay attention- when you give to someone, you love him- you have a connection with him. Someone you feel like a stranger towards, it’s because you don’t give to him. When you give, you’ll feel a connection.

Ultimate friendship- with your husband. Your entire עוה''ב is built on this friendship. This love is a special kind of love and it needs analysis- if you have the source, you can build on it better. People say that this love comes from הכרת הטוב- you are both helping each other and you have הכרת הטוב for each other and this is the יסוד of this רעות. But this is not the יסוד- there are many people who don’t have הכרת הטוב and are still happily married.

The יסוד is: this love comes from the fact that they are משלים each other. A man can never reach his שלמות without a woman. As long as a man is not married, he is חסר because he is not fulfilling his תפקיד. By being married, a couple is giving the other partner an opportunity to be שלם. When you give, you love and when you love you give more, and then you love more… שלמות= to be ממעלה תפקידו. A man needs a wife at his side to accomplish specific תפקידים. A woman’s שלמות comes from being an עזר כנגדו. She’ll get satisfaction from staying in her home because she is doing her תפקיד- taking care of her husband.

Part of השלמה: sometimes, people are so different, but they help each other work on their differences. When we see these opportunities, we must have certain tolerance. ר' פרדה used to teach his student the material 400 times. One time, the student still didn’t understand, so he taught him another 400 times. A בת קול came out and he got a big שכר. Why didn’t he just get a new תלמיד? This was his מוסר. It taught him to be a סבלן. It’s crucial in life to be patient and accept people for both their good and their bad. This is נתינה. Our עבודה is to stretch ourselves further and see the מעלות in other people.

Many times in the world out there, we see things fall apart. Why? By nature, most people are takers, unless they have worked on themselves. When a person first gets married, the first step is נתינה and then אהבה. But after a while, it dies down and they revert back to their natural mode of being נוטלים, and they don’t even notice this change. In place of both giving to each other, they now expect things from each other. We see this blatantly in the secular world, but we must know that it exists in our world too. An עצה to all married couples: the way you were when you started out- wanting to give to each other, is the way you must be. But when you start demanding things from each other, that’s when it gets rocky. Asking from each other doesn’t mean asking for help. It means demanding, like “you owe me”. ר' חיים שמולוויץ- חז''ל define roles:
1. Husband- "...ולכבדה יותר מגופו".
2. Wife- "איזה אשה כשרה העושה רצון בעלו".
Each one should remember their role on their own. But when they start reminding each other of their roles, it won’t be good.

What is the biggest preventer of being a good friend? Being self centered.

יח:א לתאוה יבקש- מי יבקש תאוותיו
נפרד- יהי' מובדל מאחרים
will be revealedיתגלע= יתגלה-

גר''א יתגלע- when this word is written with an ע, it means to have a stronger clarity.

ר' יונה Someone who is self centered won’t be מותר for his friends. People won’t like him and he’ll find himself alone. תושי' is a לשון of תורה. He’ll speak about his תאוות even to אנשי תושי'-
1. ת''ח- he’s not embarrassed to show his true colors in front of them. Usually, people behave on their best behavior before a ת''ח. But this person is blinded by his wants and doesn’t see past himself, so he acts inappropriately.
2. A person who wants to be the head, in every ענין of חכמה, even if he doesn’t know, he has to be the head.

אבן המלך תושי'-
3. With the whole תורה his בושה will be revealed, because in some way he is negating the תורה, as it says, "ואהבת לרעיך כמוך זה כלל גדול בתורה". So, if you don’t keep באל''ח, you’re not completely being מקיים the תורה. Why?








Sheet 1 If a person lacks באל''ח, he also lacks באל''מ. Why? Because if you don’t feel love for someone with a צלם אלוקים, you don’t feel love for the creator of the צלם אלוקים. משל- someone says that paintings aren’t good. Really, what he is saying is that the artist isn’t good. He lacks an appreciation for art. נמשל- by lacking appreciation for ה'’s בריאה, you are really saying that you don’t like ה'. If a person isn’t used to being מותר, he’s fooling himself if he thinks that he is going to be מותר for ה'. By putting others before yourself, you will be successful when the choice is your רצון vs. the רצון ה'.

What does it mean to be a good friend?

כז:ט שמן- שמן שיש לו ריח טוב
קטרת- עוד ענין של ריחות טובות
ישמח לב- ישמח לב של כל אחד

רש''י שמן קטורת- a king uses this oil because it smells good.
Good smells give a person a good feeling. We know this from בשמים- we want that out נשמה יתרה should to up with a good smell.

מכתב מאליהו There is a big ענין to go out on מצש''ק because the נשמה is looking for something to hold onto.

מ''ד ישמח- שמן and קטרת are משמחים the לב.

ומתק- the good feeling that you get from the smell is like the good feeling of when a good friend gives you an עצת נפש.

רש''י ומתק רעה מעצת נפש- מתק= להתיעץ. It’s sometimes better to get an עצה from another, objective party.







ר' דיתקינד There was a שחט and people didn’t like his כשרות standards. They went to ר' דיתקינד - he suggested they get him an invite from a different city and he’ll move. They did exactly this. The שחט didn’t know if he should move, so he went to ר' דיתקינד. ר' דיתקינד told him so stay. The people were very confused. ר' דיתקינד said, I have to give every person the best עצה for them.

רעהו can be referring to ה' because he is the רעה הכי טוב.

רש''י ומתק רעה מעצת נפש- a person whose מעשים are מתוקים before ה' because he does the right things in the right way. This is better than going after his own רצונות. A person sometimes things that by doing the right thing he benefits in עוה''ב. This is true. But, he also feels good in this world.

יב:כה מ''ד דאגה- when a person worries, he should try and find a way to minimize how it looms. How could he do this? Put it into perspective. But it’s even better to be happy and say "גם זו לטובה".

גר''א "מחר תבכה מאשר היום תשחק"- sometimes, it seems to be dire now. But maybe later on down the line it’ll be a ישועה. Even if he doesn’t have the זכות to see it, it is really for the good.

מלבי''ם דאגה בלב איש ישחנה- different kinds of thoughts are hidden deep within a person until the person’s spirit brings into his heart and mind these thoughts. A person has the כח to allow or suppress these thoughts into his mind. One of these thought modes is the worry mode. He can worry about what is going to happen in the future and it’ll consume him. A rich man can be consumed with worry that maybe his house will be destroyed, maybe he’ll lose all of his money, his children will die… This person can always be worried, for nothing. When a person finds himself consumed with anxiety:
1. He must suppress it by הסך הדעת- distraction, often by doing something for others. So, ישיחנה= יורידנה. How? Through הסך הדעת.
2. Change the picture in his mind to a positive picture. This is a good idea because it usually works out ok. So ישמחנה- put a positive ציור in your mind.

Worry can be good because it makes you move. But only up until there. It shouldn’t consume him.

רש''י דאגה בלב איש ישחנה- ישחנה can also be written as יסחנה because of אותיות מתחלפות. It means to have הסך הדעת.

ישמחנה- be busy with תורה, be happy and not worried because "לולי תורתך...".

Sheet 4 When you have דברי תורה on your mind, it removes thoughts of חרב, רעב, שדות, זנות and יצה''ר. Whoever doesn’t have דברי תורה on their mind will have thoughts of חרב, רעב, שדות, זנות and יצה''ר. ח''ח says that woman should learn- it’s a מצוה to fill their minds with תורהדיק thoughts in order to combat other thoughts.

רש''י ישמחנה- he should speak about this with other people and his friends will give him נחמה and relieve him of his worry.


ישמחנה ישחנה
ע''י גם זו לטובה ימעיטנה מ''ד
ע''י ציור טוב לעומת ציור הרע יורידנה ע''י הסך הדעת מלבי''ם
ע''י דברי תורה יסיחנה מדעתו רש''י
וחברו ינחמנו- ישמח את לבו ישחנה לאחרים









מכתב מאליהו People were created in such a way that the mechanism of talking things out minimizes the worry even before he gets a נחמה. Story- ר' שמחה זייתל זיו felt a רגש of קדושה and didn’t speak about it for twenty-five years because speaking lessens the intensity.

כז:יז ברזל בברזל- ברזל ע''י ברזל שני
יחד- ל' יחדד- יתחדד
איש יחד- איש אחד יתחדד

מ''ד ברזל-like one ברזל used to sharpen the other ברזל, so too when two ת''ח learn together, one sharpens the other.

ר' הירש Can also be referring to two friends discussing השקפה and deep מחשבות- they sharpen each other’s minds. Good friends can help each other grow if they about the right things.

יד:י לב יודע- לב האדם בעצמו יודע
מרת נפשו- צרות נפשו
ובשמחתו- ובשעת השמחה שלו
לא יתערב זר- איש זר לא יקח חלק

מ''ד לב יודע- the heart of a person who learns תורה, only he can feel the צער of learning. And at the time that he gets his שכר, no one else gets a חלק.

לימוד תורה is meant to be a געשמעק experience. Sometimes it is hard, and one must fight laziness or difficulty in understanding. As a woman, we must encourage our sons and husbands to learn.

רש''י לב יודע מרת נפשו- this is talking about כ''י in גלות. They suffer greatly. But the שמחה they will get לעתיד לבא, the גויים won’t have a share.

מדרש This is referring to חנה. She suffered greatly, but when she got her ישועה, she had such a great feeling of שמחה that no one else was able to sense. She was even able to sing שירה, "עלץ לבי בה'...".

ר' הירש No matter how close you are to a friend, you don’t feel his pain. So if he doesn’t pull out of it, you must be patient because you don’t know how he feels. You might think you know what they’re going through, but there’s a place you don’t touch- you don’t have a right to tell someone that they shouldn’t feel what they’re feeling. A good friend stands with him through his pain and does whatever he could to help.

מאירי sheet This is an עצה for a person who’s in pain- he should prepare himself and strengthen himself against the pain. He should hide his צרה and not be מפרסם it all over his face. Why not? So he isn’t the “nebach”, the object of everyone’s pity. He should keep his dignity. But there seems to be a contradiction- it says in the פסוק, "ישחנה". He can talk about it to close people. But speaking about it too much isn’t good. "לב יודע..."- only your heart should know about your צער.

When a person is in a good מצב where things are good for him, he should also keep it low key. He shouldn’t flaunt it to everyone. Why? Because when it’s so public, there could be a reason for damage to happen- "אין הברכה מצוי'...".









ר' מילר A person should be like a miser who secretly counts his money. You should think about all of your ברכות, but keep it hidden. When we have a ברכה, we must use it as a tool to serve ה' in a positive way. When a person flaunts it and pains other people, it’s reevaluated in שמים if he’s using it the right way.

מכתב מאליהו The תקון for someone being jealous and causing עין הרע is to share with others.

יח:כד איש רעים- אדם שמקריב חברים
להתרועע- להתחבר עם חברים
ויש אהב- ויש חבר
דבק- יותר קרוב

מ''ד איש רעים- a person should be a friendly person. Why? Among those friends he’ll find a real friend who’ll be closer than a brother.

מלבי''ם איש רעים- a person who has a whole group of friends really has none. Because a real friendship is a relationship between two people. When there is a whole group of people, it isn’t an אהבה אמיתית. להתרועע- when it’s written in התפעל it comes to show מה שהוא מדמה- it’s as if he has a lot of friends. When there is a group together, it’s not real friends. But when it’s a one on one, together they can share an אהבה closer than brothers.

ר' הירש A person should be a חברותי. He should have a lot of friendlies. But you have to accept the idea that those that are on your wave length will be fewer.

Why do people sometimes feel that friends are closer than your sibling?
1. You live with them, so you have much more opportunity for conflict.
2. You can choose your friends but you can’t choose your relatives. "הנה מה טוב ומה נעים שבת אחים גם יחד"- the most beautiful thing is when your brother is close to you like a brother.

כ:ו רב אדם- רוב בני אדם
יקרא איש חסדו- איש קורא על החסד שלו
מי ימצא- איפו מוצאים את האיש כזה

מ''ד רב אדם- most people talk about all of the חסד they do, but don’t really do it. "ואיש אמונים מי ימצא"- rarely found. Most people don’t keep their word.

רש''י רב אדם יקרא איש חסדו- people promise friends that they will help them. But בשעת הצער, when they call for help from their friend, "ואיש אמונים מי ימצא"- they don’t come to help.

ר' יונה This פסוק speaks about גאוה- that a person announces the חסדים he does. What is wrong with this? מיכה boils down the מצוות into three parts:
1. עשות משפט
2. אהבת חסד
3. והצנע לכת עם ה' אלקיך- מ''ד says on these word that you should do מצוות in a quiet way, without publicity and not to glorify yourself through them. By doing it quietly, you show that you are only doing it למען ה'.

ר' יונה ואיש אמונים מי ימצא- a person who covers up his חסדים and צדקות, does it quietly.

A חסד that is done בצנעה, it’s לשמה. A מצוה is done so that you’ll so the רצון ה'. But when we do things for others, it defeats the purpose of the חסד.

Two points that are חסרונות in עניני חסד:
1. If you speak about the חסד, the recipient will be embarrassed.
2. מצוות that are done בצנעה are done למען ה'. This is much harder by a חסד though, because someone already saw it.

When you do a חסד for someone else, you must make sure that it’s about them and not about you. If you’re really doing it למען ה' and as a מצוה, you’ll want to do it like this. It shouldn’t be that you make the recipient lower and you raise yourself up. Doing a חסד shouldn’t be to feed into your גאוה.

טו:יז טוב- יותר טוב
ארחת ירק- סעודה של ירקות
ואהבה שם- יש שם אהבה
משר אבוס- שור מפוטם שהשמינו על האבוס
ושנאה בו- ויש שם חסר אהבה

מ''ד ארוחת- a סעודה of vegetables served in a place where they love him is better than eating a good piece of meat in a place where he is hated.

מדרש When שלמה was in גלות, a man recognized him and brought him home. He gave him a nice meal, but he spoke to שלמה in a way that made him sad. Then a poor man saw him and invited him in. He didn’t have much, but he gave him חזוק.

Sheet 3 ר' יוסף בן נחמאש connects this פסוק to a famous גמרא on כבוד אב ואם- a man can give his father פסיוני to eat and it’ll cause him to lose his share in עוה''ב. Another man can make his father work very hard on the grinding stones and he’ll be זוכה לחיי עוה''ב. רש''י says on this, a man will feed his father expensive meat. His father will ask how he can afford it and he’ll answer, “It’s none of your business. Chew and eat”. This not nice way of speaking will cause him to lose his share in עוה''ב. There was once an old miller who was drafted to go serve the king. The son said, “I’ll go in your place because the work is brutal. You continue your hard work and support the family”. This will bring him to עוה''ב. It’s not what you do, it’s how you do it. This also applies to doing חסד- you must do it in the proper way.

כז:יט כמים פנים- מים שמראים פנים

מ''ד כמים- it’s the way of water that it reflects you face back at you. So to, this is the way of a person’s heart- if his heart is pleasant towards his friend, the feelings will be reflected back to him.

ר' חיים If a person has an enemy, he should try and feel real, true אהבה for this enemy and the enemy will turn to his אוהב.

מ''ד יא:יג מגלה סוד- you must reverse the words of the פסוק- a person who told over someone’s secret is likely going to be עובר on רכילות. And even if he himself doesn’t go back to the person, your friend has another friend… until it eventually gets back to the person.

ונאמן רוח- a person who is נאמן to ה' won’t repeat what was told to him, even when it wasn’t told as a secret.

ר' חיים צבי קץ “Don’t mention mentschen”- you should not speak about other people.

מלבי''ם הולך רכיל מגלה סוד- a בעל רכילות’s nature is going to be to reveal secrets. When you tell someone a secret, it’s like you’re giving him a פקדון. And just like a person doesn’t give a פקדון to someone non- trustworthy, also a secret. Also, someone who’s always repeating things, it’s the same nature that will reveal secrets. There’s another פסוק which says, "מגלה סוד הולך רכיל"- someone who reveals a secret, it’s his nature to be a בעל רכילות. Someone who is loyal to ה' hides things.

יז:ט מכסה פשע- מי שהוא מוחל על חטאים
מבקש אהבה- הוא מחפש שאהבה תמשיך כאן
ושונה בדבר- מי שחוזר על דבר
מפריד- מפריש
אלוף- אדם שר וחשוב

מ''ד מכסה- if a person hurts someone else and the person forgives, this is a reason for people to love him- because he is a forgiving person.

ושונה בדבר- but if you bear a grudge, you’re being עובר on "לא תקום ולא תטור". You must forgive and not bear a grudge. If you do have hard feelings in your heart, you can’t get rid of them, but you must try. Never act out because of this.

מאירי if your friend is loyal and a good friend, what do you do? מכסה פשע. But if ושונה בדבר- he repeatedly tries to hurt you, you must break off the friendship. This plays itself out in two ways:
1. Sometimes a friend is bringing you down ברוחניות- this is not ok. Ask for help.
2. Emotionally- sometimes, friends manipulate you or are emotionally taxing in a different way.

כה:טז דבש מצאת- אם מצאתך דבר מתוק
דיך- בשעור מוגבל
פן תשבענה- שמא תהי' שבע ממנה
והקאתו- אתה תתן את זה בחזרה

מ''ד דבש- if you find honey, eat just a little, just enough to satisfy you and restore your spirits. If you eat enough to satiation point, you will throw up everything, including the little good from the beginning.

יז הקר- תעשה קרי
מבית רעך- מהבית של החבר שלך
פן ישבעך- שמא יהי' שבע ממך
ושנאך- והוא ישנא אותך

מ''ד הוקר- make yourself rare in your friends house so that he doesn’t become “satisfied” from you. He’ll love you more if he sees you less frequently. Do not hold on too tight.

But what about between spouses? There is a special ברכה in marriage that this idea doesn’t apply. But sometimes, for example, a husband may need space- you must give it to him. Woman are usually more talkative than men so we must be careful not to crowd them. This ברכה doesn’t apply until marriage though. During the engagement period, there must be separation.

מאירי "ובדרך נסתר אמרו במדרשות רעך הוא אלוקיך ובדרש עוד אל תחטא תמיד שוגג להביא תמיד עולות..."- do not make yourself a frequent visitor of the בהמ''ק to bring a קרבן חטאת because you keep doing שגגות. Why does it matter if it’s a שוגג? It is a level of חטא because you didn’t think of הלכה. If you are someone who is a שגגת תמיד, it becomes like a זדון- "שגגת תמיד דומה לזדון". If you see that you are making mistakes, you must stop yourself "כי אין התנצלות בשגגה עד שיתמיד בה". It’s not just no big deal.

ר' סלומין ענין הולך רכיל- so many of us have tried to correct the area of לשון הרע. But with all of the efforts put into learning the הלכות, it seems to be out of proportion with the amount of הצלחה resulting. Because משיח didn’t come yet!

When one learns מוסר ספרים, he doesn’t usually come across the מידה of סקרנות- curiosity. It seems that so much damage has been done by people who are nosy. Why isn’t this dealt with in the ספרים? These are people who have to know what is going on everywhere and are busy giving unsolicited advice. They do lots of damage. So why don’t the ספרים speak about it?

We have a terrible problem which is more prevalent today- lack of confidentiality. People are so unreliable and don’t have the נאמנות to keep a secret. Those you could tell a secret to are few and far between. The ספרים also don’t deal with this, besides for the ספר ארחות חיים לרא''ש, which says "אל תהי להוט לדעת את הסתרים בין אדם לחבירו". But that’s it. Shouldn’t there be more stress on it?

Until I saw the רש''י on "לא תלך רכיל"- רש''י says that a רכיל are the people who go to their friend’s houses so that they could see what’s bad and publicize it. So mind your own business! It’s a לאו. Why do you need to know about other people and institutions? And don’t say, “I know but I won’t talk about it”. That’s impossible, and why do u want to know?

ח''ח if someone would go to a speech in order to criticize it, he is עובר on the לאו from the moment he walks in, as the של''ה says, "לא תלך" is the ענין of going to find out what’s happening. הולך רכיל מגלה סוד- such a person is very unreliable and you can’t trust him with a secret. The irresponsibility to keep a secret comes together with the יצה''ר to find out about everyone.

קנטרס הספקת If someone was given the opportunity to go to שמים and experience the קדושה and see what goes on and be taken from one place to another, he would have no pleasure unless he knew that he could come down and tell his friends. We do not enjoy any new thought unless we are able to tell it over. That’s how ה' made people because the תורה was given to us ללמד וללמד because any new idea that you reach about ה' or the תורה, He wants us to share it. So we have a great urge to tell it over to people. Every השגה that a mother has in עבודת ה' only comes to fruition when she transmits it to the next generation.
So we are inquisitive and we want to pass the results and findings of our inquisitiveness onward. If we use it correctly, ב''י will be built to perfection. But if we don’t use it correctly, we cause great damage.

So what is the עצה? We have to go back to our root. We need to reeducate ourselves. Our educator should be בלעם הרשע who understood the secret of our survival and how to destroy us. "וישא בלעם את עיניו וירא את ישראל שוכן בשכנו..." and he said the ברכה, "מה טובו אהליך יעקב". רש''י says that he saw every tribe separated from each other and that the openings of the tents didn’t face each other so that they could not see in. בלעם saw it that they did not want to look into the other’s tent, not that they didn’t want anyone to see into their own tent. They were חושד themselves, not others. They didn’t want to tempt themselves, they weren’t interested in knowing. This is the tactic that we must use. We must train ourselves not to look so that we won’t want to look or speak about others. It’s much harder to hold onto it after you already know. There’s also another benefit- not allowing outside influences into homes, not feeling like you must keep up with your neighbors, not being עובר on צניעות.

ה' made us this way for the sake of תורה.